The fact that school has finally come to an end for me hasn't really sunk in until today when my Mum started talking to me about my Grandma. Although the two absolutely does not relate to each other in any way, the fact that my Grandpa went to hospital not long after my Grandma came out brought me to my conscience that life is so vulnerable and made me re-evaluate all the things that I have and don't have.
xXx..I don't miss school. As simple as that. At least not yet I guess. Surprisingly, nobody but Laura W. and Stewie cried at Graduation. It is rather ironic actually, Thursday (Graduation Day) was actually the only time I saw EVERYBODY at school in a really long time and it is ironic because we all went to celebrate the time of departure, and never really cherished the times we had with each other throughout the past years. I think many people are just glad to be able to finally get the hell out of this hole - this strange yet way too familiar hole we have shared for the past six years. And now we are all departing, yet I do not even feel a slight sense of distress.
xXx..Now that I think of it, I've actually only spoken to both my Grandma and Grandpa for no more than 3 tmes this year, considering the fact that we live right next to each other!Sometimes I don't understand why we have to be like this. I only found out that my Grandma went to hospital after she came out from the hospital. How effed up is that? =O And we live right next to each other! Today while I was sitting in the backyard eating my ice-cream and looking at the clouds, I suddenly heard a continuous cry coming from next door. I stopped doing what I was doing and listened carefully - it wasn;t the radio, nor the TV, nor was I imagining it. I recognised my Grandma's voice. She kept calling out for my mum and my auntie's name and nobody was answering her. Just as I was about to rush over to her house, for I was afraid that she might've fallen over and nobody was home to take care of her, my cousin's sudden reply startled me. "Are you crazy? I told you my mum was in Campsie! Stop yelling." After hearing that I think I paused for 2 minutes and thought about what just happened. Did my cousin just call my Grandma crazy? =/ I couldn't do much. So I went back inside. Because I am in no position to be disgusted nor to be mad at the lack of attention she is receiving from her grandchildren and children. Because I am one of them =/. Later on I told my mum about the incident and told her to try spend more time with Grandma - because she isn't crazy, she's just scared. Like everybody else. Scared of being left behind.
xXx..So that's it for now. Too much info x(~! Haha my brain ain't functioning properly. So I'll blog another time.
P.S. I never finished my last post >=/! Oh wells =P
P.S.S. MSN stuffing up! =[
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Someone to Call
I had a nightmare last night =/. I remember going to bed early at approximately 12.30am because I felt extremely exhausted from talking and studying and without thinking i automatically walked over to the light switch and flicked it off. Blackness. I hesitated for a moment and prceeded to my bed and went to sleep. I didn't dare open my eyes for the numerous minutes I was awake, I just held tightly onto Mocha and my blankets while curling myself up into a little balla nd lying on my right arm. Two hours later, I woke up in the exact same position - I dreamt that somebody was trying to kill me with a scarf and there was nothing I could do. I dreamt that I was actually going to die and in th midst of dreaming and waking up, I felt the pull on my neck and and and... =[ it felt really horrible. I was scared. When I opened my eyes again everything was still dark and too afraid to reach my hand out in the darkness for my phone, I decided to keep sleeping. But I couldn't >_<. I really needed to call someone at the time - I've never felt so scared waking up from a nightmare. I checked the time - 2.33am. "Maybe I should call someone =/." Closed my eyes for a bit. I couldn't think of anyone to call =(. Fell asleep.
I should really find someone I can call anytime - even in the middle of the night. Someone who's willing to listen to me anytime.
I should really find someone I can call anytime - even in the middle of the night. Someone who's willing to listen to me anytime.
Note: will continue when I return from Imax tonight xD photos photos photos
Monday, September 22, 2008
Corny-ness
I actually really want to blog...but I'm not really sure what to put down - either because I have too much to say or because I have nothing left to say. I think I'll stick with the too much x].
Mm..other than supposedly having insane study sessions for the stoopid HSC, I actually have no problems in my life at the moment - haha which is a first xD. Well..only if I choose to think that way, I guess.
Ahh I'll shut up soon..too tired to blog anyway and too many things to blog about haha i cant be bothered. But lately I've been asking people all these stupid questions - I know its pathetic, I know its gullible, and I feel really naive, like the way I was when I was in year 8. "I would believe you if you told me so." I know we're not supposed to be living on other people's words but..it's just easier that way I reckon x[. Much. Much. Simpler. And I love it that way...to be protected I guess. Because...I would believe anything you tell me. Well I would choose to believe. Because...everybody needs to believe in something, and to be believed in, I guess. And in my opinion, I reckon if I really put my heart out to be genuinely nice and really care about someone, I believe they will be able to see it and treat me the same way back. haha~ how corny >< shuddup Carmen!
Haha I sound so bored. 1.36am. Waiting for Kevin dai lo to return to call me x[. Haha diu..so sleepy man x[. I'll look at my business book now.
Mm..other than supposedly having insane study sessions for the stoopid HSC, I actually have no problems in my life at the moment - haha which is a first xD. Well..only if I choose to think that way, I guess.
Ahh I'll shut up soon..too tired to blog anyway and too many things to blog about haha i cant be bothered. But lately I've been asking people all these stupid questions - I know its pathetic, I know its gullible, and I feel really naive, like the way I was when I was in year 8. "I would believe you if you told me so." I know we're not supposed to be living on other people's words but..it's just easier that way I reckon x[. Much. Much. Simpler. And I love it that way...to be protected I guess. Because...I would believe anything you tell me. Well I would choose to believe. Because...everybody needs to believe in something, and to be believed in, I guess. And in my opinion, I reckon if I really put my heart out to be genuinely nice and really care about someone, I believe they will be able to see it and treat me the same way back. haha~ how corny >< shuddup Carmen!
Haha I sound so bored. 1.36am. Waiting for Kevin dai lo to return to call me x[. Haha diu..so sleepy man x[. I'll look at my business book now.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Rant
This will be an emo post! ==' Sorry.
BUT first of all, I must thank Mandy for this awesome page haha Mandy rox!
I'm sure everyone is well aware that our HSC examinations would commence in exactly four weeks! Some people are stressing, some people are still partying *cough* and some are studyin their asses off for a stoopid piece of paper with your name and "Higher School Certificate" written on it. I tried studying yesterday. Actually, I try to study everyday but it's so hard to shift from post trials mode to complete hardcore stud mode. I opened my business book yesterday, with an intention to complete some revision notes on at least 2 of the topics but NO! it did not work out that way! I wanted to just burn it 10 minutes into reading it! Fuckin' HSC! >=[
Last night, I kind of completed my Frontline essay - I am quite proud of myself (I mean, I have completed something..finally ==") and then I just got emo. I stopped talking to everyone on MSN lol by telling them I had to go watch TV. I did go watch TV but stopped like 5 minutes after and went back into my room and stared at my computer screen and MSN list. I decided to start conversations with some other people, in hope that would make me feel better. It did help at first and then after awhile I just felt shit again. Arghh~~wtf is wrong with me? >=( And then I thought about Moonligh Resonance and I started crying OUT LOUD - like how Linda Chung would cry in it - pretty crazy to be crying like that at 12.30am in the morning! I then looked through my phone hoping I would find someone I can call so they can hear me cry (rofl) but nah I didn't find anyone appropriate - it was way to late at night><. I'm not depressed okay? I just..SIGH I just gotta think some stuff through I guess =/.
I look at you and I dont understand how you could be so happy and carefree towards everyone. Un-Ai said: "It's human nature. Once a person get what they want, all they want after that is even more." ==" If that must be the case, I would rather have not received anything in the first place. I finished watching One Tree Hill Season One last night and I think I get what Isaac is trying to say to me. But real life is different.
Sometimes..I wish things were as simple as they used to be. Actually no, things were never simple - I wish I was as simple as I used to be.
BUT first of all, I must thank Mandy for this awesome page haha Mandy rox!
I'm sure everyone is well aware that our HSC examinations would commence in exactly four weeks! Some people are stressing, some people are still partying *cough* and some are studyin their asses off for a stoopid piece of paper with your name and "Higher School Certificate" written on it. I tried studying yesterday. Actually, I try to study everyday but it's so hard to shift from post trials mode to complete hardcore stud mode. I opened my business book yesterday, with an intention to complete some revision notes on at least 2 of the topics but NO! it did not work out that way! I wanted to just burn it 10 minutes into reading it! Fuckin' HSC! >=[
Last night, I kind of completed my Frontline essay - I am quite proud of myself (I mean, I have completed something..finally ==") and then I just got emo. I stopped talking to everyone on MSN lol by telling them I had to go watch TV. I did go watch TV but stopped like 5 minutes after and went back into my room and stared at my computer screen and MSN list. I decided to start conversations with some other people, in hope that would make me feel better. It did help at first and then after awhile I just felt shit again. Arghh~~wtf is wrong with me? >=( And then I thought about Moonligh Resonance and I started crying OUT LOUD - like how Linda Chung would cry in it - pretty crazy to be crying like that at 12.30am in the morning! I then looked through my phone hoping I would find someone I can call so they can hear me cry (rofl) but nah I didn't find anyone appropriate - it was way to late at night><. I'm not depressed okay? I just..SIGH I just gotta think some stuff through I guess =/.
I look at you and I dont understand how you could be so happy and carefree towards everyone. Un-Ai said: "It's human nature. Once a person get what they want, all they want after that is even more." ==" If that must be the case, I would rather have not received anything in the first place. I finished watching One Tree Hill Season One last night and I think I get what Isaac is trying to say to me. But real life is different.
Sometimes..I wish things were as simple as they used to be. Actually no, things were never simple - I wish I was as simple as I used to be.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Quitting Life
Diuuu~~~ Carmen quits life from now on! ><
Must study hardcore for two months starting from tomoro!
Ahh~~been out so much I can't even remember what has happened or where I've been.
Can't even remember whether I've asked Wayne last week or not. But I confirmed it so yeah =P.
I didn't cry last night - which sucks. I better not cry during my HSC period or I'm gonna hit someone over the head with a saucepan. Lol. I won't cry. =D Hehe...except maybe when I watch Moonlight Resonance.
P.S. Was talking to Burke before and farout man...==" soo gay because he gave me a gay answer to my awesome question lol.
Me: What would you do if a girl knitted you a scarf?
Him: I wouldn't appreciate it if I didn't like the girl. It's "just" ... a scarf.
Me: ==" Diu.
Must study hardcore for two months starting from tomoro!
Ahh~~been out so much I can't even remember what has happened or where I've been.
Can't even remember whether I've asked Wayne last week or not. But I confirmed it so yeah =P.
I didn't cry last night - which sucks. I better not cry during my HSC period or I'm gonna hit someone over the head with a saucepan. Lol. I won't cry. =D Hehe...except maybe when I watch Moonlight Resonance.
P.S. Was talking to Burke before and farout man...==" soo gay because he gave me a gay answer to my awesome question lol.
Me: What would you do if a girl knitted you a scarf?
Him: I wouldn't appreciate it if I didn't like the girl. It's "just" ... a scarf.
Me: ==" Diu.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
世界末日 - 周杰伦
想笑 来伪装掉下的眼泪
点点头 承认自己会怕黑
我只求 能借一点时间来陪
你却连同情都不给
想哭 来试探自己麻痹了没
全世界好像只有我疲惫
无所谓 反正难过就敷衍走一回
但愿绝望和无奈远走高飞
Chorus:
天灰灰 会不会 让我忘了你是谁
夜越黑 梦违背 难追难回味
我的世界将被摧毁 也许事与愿违
累不累 睡不睡 单影无人相依偎
夜越黑 梦违背 有谁来安慰
我的世界将被摧毁 或许颓废也是另一种美
想哭 来试探自己麻痹了没
全世界好像只有我疲惫
无所无所谓 反正难过就敷衍走一回
但愿绝望和无奈远走高飞
天灰灰 会不会 让我忘了你是谁
夜越黑 梦违背 难追难回味
我的世界将被摧毁
也许事与愿违
累不累 睡不睡 单影无人相依偎
点点头 承认自己会怕黑
我只求 能借一点时间来陪
你却连同情都不给
想哭 来试探自己麻痹了没
全世界好像只有我疲惫
无所谓 反正难过就敷衍走一回
但愿绝望和无奈远走高飞
Chorus:
天灰灰 会不会 让我忘了你是谁
夜越黑 梦违背 难追难回味
我的世界将被摧毁 也许事与愿违
累不累 睡不睡 单影无人相依偎
夜越黑 梦违背 有谁来安慰
我的世界将被摧毁 或许颓废也是另一种美
想哭 来试探自己麻痹了没
全世界好像只有我疲惫
无所无所谓 反正难过就敷衍走一回
但愿绝望和无奈远走高飞
天灰灰 会不会 让我忘了你是谁
夜越黑 梦违背 难追难回味
我的世界将被摧毁
也许事与愿违
累不累 睡不睡 单影无人相依偎
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
My Campsie Night.
Why is Carmen blogging when she should be studying, okay, sleeping? >_<
Anyway, haha funny day today =D. I was stuck at home sick all day today and was actually quite bored and frustrated so then i called up Tongyun and Cheryl and met up with them in Campsie. Strangely enough, as soon as I saw them I got really high! Like..Carmen high and rofl thats scary okay? ^_^
On our trek to Civic Video, Cincotta Chemist and I-Mart, we bumped into our fellow Campsie bummers (Lisa seemed a lot happier today =] and I'm happy for her ^^) and stood there sucking on our ice-blocks for what I would say 20 minutes.
Got to Tongyun's house and after quite a bit of struggling "I COOKED" instant noodles for myself (haha I'm soo proud xD). And then webcammed with Ron for a bit. Haha Ron that loser didn't strip for us =( so we went to watch Paris Hilton instead! =D LOL.
My night ended alright I guess butbutbut ... I didn't study today =( ...which sucks ballz okay? SIGH.
P.S. I know this sounds bizarre but I keep getting my dreams mixed up with reality. Or in my case, doubting reality. lawl Carmen. =3
Anyway, haha funny day today =D. I was stuck at home sick all day today and was actually quite bored and frustrated so then i called up Tongyun and Cheryl and met up with them in Campsie. Strangely enough, as soon as I saw them I got really high! Like..Carmen high and rofl thats scary okay? ^_^
On our trek to Civic Video, Cincotta Chemist and I-Mart, we bumped into our fellow Campsie bummers (Lisa seemed a lot happier today =] and I'm happy for her ^^) and stood there sucking on our ice-blocks for what I would say 20 minutes.
Got to Tongyun's house and after quite a bit of struggling "I COOKED" instant noodles for myself (haha I'm soo proud xD). And then webcammed with Ron for a bit. Haha Ron that loser didn't strip for us =( so we went to watch Paris Hilton instead! =D LOL.
My night ended alright I guess butbutbut ... I didn't study today =( ...which sucks ballz okay? SIGH.
P.S. I know this sounds bizarre but I keep getting my dreams mixed up with reality. Or in my case, doubting reality. lawl Carmen. =3
The Heart and The Butteflies.
Do you know what it feels like to have your heart be attacked by butterflies?
I don't like the feeling. =[
It doesn't hurt, but it makes me want to cry a bit (I didn't =D)
Hehe..I'm going to go eat ice cream now ^_^.
Have a nice day! =D ...to anyone who reads this, IF anyone reads this haha i don't really care =D.
I don't like the feeling. =[
It doesn't hurt, but it makes me want to cry a bit (I didn't =D)
Hehe..I'm going to go eat ice cream now ^_^.
Have a nice day! =D ...to anyone who reads this, IF anyone reads this haha i don't really care =D.
Monday, September 8, 2008
DooDooDoooo~
NI HAO!
# I think I got a cold. Can't sing properly at the moment ==".
# Fell asleep as soon as I got off msn last night...didn't really have a good night sleep. Haha randoms like Kevin and Wayne pranked and texted me. Hehe it's all good ^_^.
#Goal: quit MSN =(.
Friday - didnt really meet up to my expectations lol but it wasn't that bad. At least I met someone new at Ann's party and got to catch up with the others at Will's party. =D
Saturday - haha what a random day! Sooo random - it was like all over the place. Well, I feel kinda bad for dogging Rui's birthday dinner butbutbut...they probably would've had fun ^_^! Haha i hope i didn't miss out too much! Went UNSW in the morning and starved myself to 3pm (>=[ i got a bit cranky) and then went Pepper Lunch with Wayne, Burke, Zack, Tongyun, Sandy, Cheryl and Kwan. And then Cheryl left and we all went K for two hours (OMG did I mention Burke not only looks like JJLin but he sounds exactly like him when he sings!? =O I was so overwhelmed hahaha burkey ^_^) and then bummed around city doing NOTHING ==" and then stoopid Wayne and Burke had to leave so party's over! Random thing was me and Tongyun caught the train to Stra and went to Ron's house. Hehe..ooh and Wayne came back later =D.
Sunday - was shitty. LOL i lacked sleep due to Saturday night so I was practically dying at work and then I spent the rest of my day watching Moonlight Resonance (up to episode six - I know I'm slow..butbutbut HSC mannnnnn ==") and so far I've cried like a bucket of tears! >< soo saad...soo dramatic...haha soo Carmen xD.
Well. yeah haha I just wanted to say that I think I'm sick and vulnerable and needs lots of attention and care...until I get better ^_^. Hehe.
# I think I got a cold. Can't sing properly at the moment ==".
# Fell asleep as soon as I got off msn last night...didn't really have a good night sleep. Haha randoms like Kevin and Wayne pranked and texted me. Hehe it's all good ^_^.
#Goal: quit MSN =(.
Friday - didnt really meet up to my expectations lol but it wasn't that bad. At least I met someone new at Ann's party and got to catch up with the others at Will's party. =D
Saturday - haha what a random day! Sooo random - it was like all over the place. Well, I feel kinda bad for dogging Rui's birthday dinner butbutbut...they probably would've had fun ^_^! Haha i hope i didn't miss out too much! Went UNSW in the morning and starved myself to 3pm (>=[ i got a bit cranky) and then went Pepper Lunch with Wayne, Burke, Zack, Tongyun, Sandy, Cheryl and Kwan. And then Cheryl left and we all went K for two hours (OMG did I mention Burke not only looks like JJLin but he sounds exactly like him when he sings!? =O I was so overwhelmed hahaha burkey ^_^) and then bummed around city doing NOTHING ==" and then stoopid Wayne and Burke had to leave so party's over! Random thing was me and Tongyun caught the train to Stra and went to Ron's house. Hehe..ooh and Wayne came back later =D.
Sunday - was shitty. LOL i lacked sleep due to Saturday night so I was practically dying at work and then I spent the rest of my day watching Moonlight Resonance (up to episode six - I know I'm slow..butbutbut HSC mannnnnn ==") and so far I've cried like a bucket of tears! >< soo saad...soo dramatic...haha soo Carmen xD.
Well. yeah haha I just wanted to say that I think I'm sick and vulnerable and needs lots of attention and care...until I get better ^_^. Hehe.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Timezone...Broken Bracelet...
For the past few days I feel like I've been trapped in some kind of timezone where I don't know exactly what I'm doing. I hope I'm fine, other than the fact that I'm still talking to Mocha (my teddybear), I think every other bit of me is quite sane. As usual my week is packed and I have absolutely no time left for studying (which is bad...very bad indeed ]= ) SIGH...I dunno.
My schedule for the rest of the week:
Thursday - Sis' Graduation Day. Although we had a massive fight the other night involving yelling, swearing, tears (well..her tears mostly - I never cry in front of my family - quite sad, I know), I still got her a present to congratulate her for her "hard work" *coughcough* throughout her life in uni =D. Yeah yeah which means I dont have money to get a haircut until...bleh!
Friday - School; Ann's party; Will's party. LOL which I'm hoping would be a fun day! =D PARTEEEH! hehehe
Saturday - UNSW, maybe Hurtsville, I want to hang out with Burke =D maybe, and Rui's Birthday Dinner.
Sunday - Work, Father's Day and Mum's Birthday. Spendspendspend.
Ooh..looks like I'm going to get a lot of studying done this week! ^^
My bracelet broke off...completely. I woke up this morning and I couldnt find it. That sucks...because what does that mean now? Is it bad to be greedy? Tongyun bought a bracelet just for love, mine has everything in it - well..you know, I don't just want love - I want a bit of everything. Maybe I should get one just for...friendship =D.
P.S. I look at it everyday.
P.S.S. It doesn't feel the same hugging Mocha anymore. =[
P.S.S.S. I'm scared...of Monday =S and.. the many more to come. SIGH
My schedule for the rest of the week:
Thursday - Sis' Graduation Day. Although we had a massive fight the other night involving yelling, swearing, tears (well..her tears mostly - I never cry in front of my family - quite sad, I know), I still got her a present to congratulate her for her "hard work" *coughcough* throughout her life in uni =D. Yeah yeah which means I dont have money to get a haircut until...bleh!
Friday - School; Ann's party; Will's party. LOL which I'm hoping would be a fun day! =D PARTEEEH! hehehe
Saturday - UNSW, maybe Hurtsville, I want to hang out with Burke =D maybe, and Rui's Birthday Dinner.
Sunday - Work, Father's Day and Mum's Birthday. Spendspendspend.
Ooh..looks like I'm going to get a lot of studying done this week! ^^
My bracelet broke off...completely. I woke up this morning and I couldnt find it. That sucks...because what does that mean now? Is it bad to be greedy? Tongyun bought a bracelet just for love, mine has everything in it - well..you know, I don't just want love - I want a bit of everything. Maybe I should get one just for...friendship =D.
P.S. I look at it everyday.
P.S.S. It doesn't feel the same hugging Mocha anymore. =[
P.S.S.S. I'm scared...of Monday =S and.. the many more to come. SIGH
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
"Speechless" - The Veronicas
Feels like I have always known you
And I swear I dreamt about you
All those endless nights I was alone
It's like I've spent forever searching
Now I know that it was worth it
With you it feels like I am finally home
Falling head over heels
Thought I knew how it feels
But with you it's like the first day of my life
Cuz you leave me speechless
When you talk to me
You leave me breathless
The way you look at me
You manage to disarm me
My soul is shining through
Can't help but surrender
My everything to you
I thought I could resist you
I thought that I was strong
Somehow you were different from what I've known
I didn't see you coming
You took me by surprise and
You stole my heart before I could say no
Falling head over heels
Thought I knew how it feels
But with you it's like the first day of my life
You leave me speechless
When you talk to me
You leave me breathless
The way you look at me
You manage to disarm me
My soul is shining through
I can't help but surrender
Oh no
My everything to you
You leave me speechless
(the way you smile, the way you touch my face)
You leave me breathless
(it's something that you do I can't explain)
I run a million miles just to hear you say my name
Baby
You leave me speechless
You leave me breathless
The way you look at me
You manage to disarm me
My soul is shining through
I can't help but surrender
My everything to you
And I swear I dreamt about you
All those endless nights I was alone
It's like I've spent forever searching
Now I know that it was worth it
With you it feels like I am finally home
Falling head over heels
Thought I knew how it feels
But with you it's like the first day of my life
Cuz you leave me speechless
When you talk to me
You leave me breathless
The way you look at me
You manage to disarm me
My soul is shining through
Can't help but surrender
My everything to you
I thought I could resist you
I thought that I was strong
Somehow you were different from what I've known
I didn't see you coming
You took me by surprise and
You stole my heart before I could say no
Falling head over heels
Thought I knew how it feels
But with you it's like the first day of my life
You leave me speechless
When you talk to me
You leave me breathless
The way you look at me
You manage to disarm me
My soul is shining through
I can't help but surrender
Oh no
My everything to you
You leave me speechless
(the way you smile, the way you touch my face)
You leave me breathless
(it's something that you do I can't explain)
I run a million miles just to hear you say my name
Baby
You leave me speechless
You leave me breathless
The way you look at me
You manage to disarm me
My soul is shining through
I can't help but surrender
My everything to you
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