Growing up.

Carmen is growing up. =D
really...x) she thinks?

Hi Mum. Hi Sis.

Hi Mum. Hi Sis.

Shut up okay? >=[

Grr..okay I'm sorry for being rude butbutbut do u have to butt into everything I do and buy? Everything I buy, everything I do seems to be wrong to both of you.

"Your dress is too long." "You're overdoing it." "You think you're rich?" "You won;t look good in it." "It's too expensive." "You never think before you act." "You're this and you're that." ...

I shall remain calm >=[ .. for as long as I can. I do not talk back. I remain silent. I let them talk. I do not agree but I will not show that. Butbutbut sometimes...just f**k OFF! =[

sigh..sorry =[.

LET'S BE HAPPY xD

LET'S BE HAPPY YEAH!? xD

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY

SMILE SMILE SMILE

LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH

LIKE WE DO NOT HAVE A WORRY IN THE WORLD.

LET'S BE HAPPY LIKE WE MEAN IT.

LET'S BE HAPPY FOR ONE MINUTE, FOR THIS MINUTE.

LET'S NOT THINK ABOUT IT!

=D EVRYTHING WILL BE OKAY!

FOR HAPPINESS IS ALL WE'VE GOT AND ALL THAT WE'LL EVER HAVE...ONLY IF WE CHOOSE TO BE THAT WAY AND THINK THAT WAY.

..LET'S BE HAPPY. ^_^

Record

I wrecked it.

Couldn't hold it in.

From 34 days.

Back to 0.

Ahh..=P

Bored.

Shit mann..HSC started...didn't blog at all for October rofl but don't get me wrong A LOT has happened...such as my daily UTS experiences; my DDR attempts; my financial crisis; HSC examinations - and many many more. But i Just have absolutely no energy left for such "blogging".

HSC Examinations.
4 down. 4 to go.
Business - OKAY laa =D
Paper 1 - awesome xD.
Paper 2 - =/
Chinese - haha fell asleep! x(
I'm gonna fail maths man..but hopefully with the help from my fellow selective school peers I should get band 4? o_0 or BAND 5! =D heehhe

Hmm..let's see. HSC isn't that bad you know, I don't know if this is the appropriate way to describe this, but like..for me HSC is almost like an escape. From the world. I know it sounds crazy but..then I can blame all my mood swings on the HSC. Mum is nicer to me ^_^; sumhow we all bond due to the HSC and we all understand what one another is going through. It feels like..at least now I am doing something and I have a goal now. What happens after HSC? PARTy!! xD ahaha but still..lol duno wat I'm trying to say but ok =D.

"You don't have to tell me everything, but don't lie to me."

Okay? ^_^

Life is so dramatic for me..as usual ^_^. I don't want to blog anymore. Got too much to write about. haha...ciao! Can't wait till maths is over! =]

P.s. Two Lies so far x(
P.s.s. 31 days now =D.
P.s.s.s. I won't act on others' words. I will believe anything you tell me, even if you didn't mean it, I would still believe u. Because I am Carmen, and You are You. The end =D.

戴上我的愛

What am I doing before my Business Studies HSC examination? Singing =.="
bwahaha this song is awesome xD soo sweet ^_^! xD

戴上我的愛 - 潘瑋柏
作詞：李念和　作我曲：Terry Lee　編曲：Rhythm Elisha Tee　女聲：王珞丹

(女)戴上我的愛
　　心海　閃亮著金色的期盼
　　今晚　環繞在幸福的等待

RAP:
今晚星空看來有些怪
我望著妳　心裡話我不能再等待
有一些感概　添加著期待
一路走來　有妳有我的日子很浪漫
我還記得　第一場電影我們一起看
想要偷偷牽妳手　卻又不夠勇敢
Ha ha　想起當時一直狂飄汗
但現在慢慢已經成為一種甜蜜習慣(hey)
2月14第一個燭光晚
擢I不多但是相對價值很可觀
眼睛注視著妳祈求時針慢慢的轉
紅酒漸漸讓妳微醺躺在我的臂彎
see baby girl　每滴回憶我都印在腦海
但還有更多經典回憶值得一起等待
上輩子的愛　今世的戀愛
今世還是請妳戴上我的愛

(合)到底會是情人或是朋友
　　什麼時候我們才跨得過
　　還欠些感動
　　你站在我的背後　輕輕對我說
　　讓我　為妳戴上我的愛[戴上我的愛]
　　最幸福的人　是我

RAP:
當妳寂寞的時候妳會否想起我
當妳難過的時候妳是否想到我
當妳開心的時候妳會否打給我
電話上問我　幸福是什麼
幸福就是什麼話也不必再多說
兩人互看幾個鐘頭也不嫌久
問候總是帶著即將見面的衝動
累不累　想不想睡　需不需要我陪
妳說有我在身邊妳才能安心的睡
萬事不用擔心　讓我擦去妳的
如果遇上別的女孩　你問我會不會追
我向妳保證　我絕對不會
因為認真愛我的妳才是無缺完美
我會輕輕在妳心上貼上小心易碎
如果前世有罪　今世不可畏
今世還是選擇彼此一起去面對

(合)並不是相愛的人　全都能夠
　　在茫茫人海　相遇　你和我
　　還欠些感動
　　你握起我的右手　套上了永遠
　　讓我　為你戴上我的愛(戴上我的愛　這刻)
　　最幸福的人　是我

RAP:
如果是天意的安排　讓我們相遇相愛
我盼望有一天　能彼此互換戒環
今生換了角色場地　我也絕不更改
讓世人見證酗U的承諾我對妳的愛
我知道有時候我會讓妳心煩
我也知道有時候我真的慢半拍
但我會守護著妳直到頭髮全都變白
愛意不會隨著眉毛顏色慢慢轉淡
記憶可能隨著年紀逐漸凋零衰老
但戒環上永遠刻著祝福白頭到老(永遠)完美的一天
天時地利人和感動氣氛毫無缺陷
未來日子裡　雙手請交給我牽
我願意為了你　賭上我所有一切
前世欠的愛　今世加倍還
今晚願不願意戴上這只戒環

(女)戴上我的愛
　　心海　閃亮著金色的期盼
　　今晚　環繞在幸福的等待
　　戴上我的愛
　　心海　閃亮著金色的期盼
　　戴上我的愛
　　今晚　環繞在幸福的等待


(男)這首歌　只屬於我愛的人
　　今晚　只屬於我和你
　　白頭到老　永遠　和一輩子

Saying Bye

The fact that school has finally come to an end for me hasn't really sunk in until today when my Mum started talking to me about my Grandma. Although the two absolutely does not relate to each other in any way, the fact that my Grandpa went to hospital not long after my Grandma came out brought me to my conscience that life is so vulnerable and made me re-evaluate all the things that I have and don't have.

xXx..I don't miss school. As simple as that. At least not yet I guess. Surprisingly, nobody but Laura W. and Stewie cried at Graduation. It is rather ironic actually, Thursday (Graduation Day) was actually the only time I saw EVERYBODY at school in a really long time and it is ironic because we all went to celebrate the time of departure, and never really cherished the times we had with each other throughout the past years. I think many people are just glad to be able to finally get the hell out of this hole - this strange yet way too familiar hole we have shared for the past six years. And now we are all departing, yet I do not even feel a slight sense of distress.

xXx..Now that I think of it, I've actually only spoken to both my Grandma and Grandpa for no more than 3 tmes this year, considering the fact that we live right next to each other!Sometimes I don't understand why we have to be like this. I only found out that my Grandma went to hospital after she came out from the hospital. How effed up is that? =O And we live right next to each other! Today while I was sitting in the backyard eating my ice-cream and looking at the clouds, I suddenly heard a continuous cry coming from next door. I stopped doing what I was doing and listened carefully - it wasn;t the radio, nor the TV, nor was I imagining it. I recognised my Grandma's voice. She kept calling out for my mum and my auntie's name and nobody was answering her. Just as I was about to rush over to her house, for I was afraid that she might've fallen over and nobody was home to take care of her, my cousin's sudden reply startled me. "Are you crazy? I told you my mum was in Campsie! Stop yelling." After hearing that I think I paused for 2 minutes and thought about what just happened. Did my cousin just call my Grandma crazy? =/ I couldn't do much. So I went back inside. Because I am in no position to be disgusted nor to be mad at the lack of attention she is receiving from her grandchildren and children. Because I am one of them =/. Later on I told my mum about the incident and told her to try spend more time with Grandma - because she isn't crazy, she's just scared. Like everybody else. Scared of being left behind.

xXx..So that's it for now. Too much info x(~! Haha my brain ain't functioning properly. So I'll blog another time.

P.S. I never finished my last post >=/! Oh wells =P
P.S.S. MSN stuffing up! =[

Someone to Call

I had a nightmare last night =/. I remember going to bed early at approximately 12.30am because I felt extremely exhausted from talking and studying and without thinking i automatically walked over to the light switch and flicked it off. Blackness. I hesitated for a moment and prceeded to my bed and went to sleep. I didn't dare open my eyes for the numerous minutes I was awake, I just held tightly onto Mocha and my blankets while curling myself up into a little balla nd lying on my right arm. Two hours later, I woke up in the exact same position - I dreamt that somebody was trying to kill me with a scarf and there was nothing I could do. I dreamt that I was actually going to die and in th midst of dreaming and waking up, I felt the pull on my neck and and and... =[ it felt really horrible. I was scared. When I opened my eyes again everything was still dark and too afraid to reach my hand out in the darkness for my phone, I decided to keep sleeping. But I couldn't >_<. I really needed to call someone at the time - I've never felt so scared waking up from a nightmare. I checked the time - 2.33am. "Maybe I should call someone =/." Closed my eyes for a bit. I couldn't think of anyone to call =(. Fell asleep.

I should really find someone I can call anytime - even in the middle of the night. Someone who's willing to listen to me anytime.

Note: will continue when I return from Imax tonight xD photos photos photos

Corny-ness

I actually really want to blog...but I'm not really sure what to put down - either because I have too much to say or because I have nothing left to say. I think I'll stick with the too much x].

Mm..other than supposedly having insane study sessions for the stoopid HSC, I actually have no problems in my life at the moment - haha which is a first xD. Well..only if I choose to think that way, I guess.

Ahh I'll shut up soon..too tired to blog anyway and too many things to blog about haha i cant be bothered. But lately I've been asking people all these stupid questions - I know its pathetic, I know its gullible, and I feel really naive, like the way I was when I was in year 8. "I would believe you if you told me so." I know we're not supposed to be living on other people's words but..it's just easier that way I reckon x[. Much. Much. Simpler. And I love it that way...to be protected I guess. Because...I would believe anything you tell me. Well I would choose to believe. Because...everybody needs to believe in something, and to be believed in, I guess. And in my opinion, I reckon if I really put my heart out to be genuinely nice and really care about someone, I believe they will be able to see it and treat me the same way back. haha~ how corny >< shuddup Carmen!

Haha I sound so bored. 1.36am. Waiting for Kevin dai lo to return to call me x[. Haha diu..so sleepy man x[. I'll look at my business book now.

Rant

This will be an emo post! ==' Sorry.

BUT first of all, I must thank Mandy for this awesome page haha Mandy rox!

I'm sure everyone is well aware that our HSC examinations would commence in exactly four weeks! Some people are stressing, some people are still partying *cough* and some are studyin their asses off for a stoopid piece of paper with your name and "Higher School Certificate" written on it. I tried studying yesterday. Actually, I try to study everyday but it's so hard to shift from post trials mode to complete hardcore stud mode. I opened my business book yesterday, with an intention to complete some revision notes on at least 2 of the topics but NO! it did not work out that way! I wanted to just burn it 10 minutes into reading it! Fuckin' HSC! >=[

Last night, I kind of completed my Frontline essay - I am quite proud of myself (I mean, I have completed something..finally ==") and then I just got emo. I stopped talking to everyone on MSN lol by telling them I had to go watch TV. I did go watch TV but stopped like 5 minutes after and went back into my room and stared at my computer screen and MSN list. I decided to start conversations with some other people, in hope that would make me feel better. It did help at first and then after awhile I just felt shit again. Arghh~~wtf is wrong with me? >=( And then I thought about Moonligh Resonance and I started crying OUT LOUD - like how Linda Chung would cry in it - pretty crazy to be crying like that at 12.30am in the morning! I then looked through my phone hoping I would find someone I can call so they can hear me cry (rofl) but nah I didn't find anyone appropriate - it was way to late at night><. I'm not depressed okay? I just..SIGH I just gotta think some stuff through I guess =/.

I look at you and I dont understand how you could be so happy and carefree towards everyone. Un-Ai said: "It's human nature. Once a person get what they want, all they want after that is even more." ==" If that must be the case, I would rather have not received anything in the first place. I finished watching One Tree Hill Season One last night and I think I get what Isaac is trying to say to me. But real life is different.

Sometimes..I wish things were as simple as they used to be. Actually no, things were never simple - I wish I was as simple as I used to be.

Quitting Life

Diuuu~~~ Carmen quits life from now on! ><

Must study hardcore for two months starting from tomoro!

Ahh~~been out so much I can't even remember what has happened or where I've been.

Can't even remember whether I've asked Wayne last week or not. But I confirmed it so yeah =P.

I didn't cry last night - which sucks. I better not cry during my HSC period or I'm gonna hit someone over the head with a saucepan. Lol. I won't cry. =D Hehe...except maybe when I watch Moonlight Resonance.

P.S. Was talking to Burke before and farout man...==" soo gay because he gave me a gay answer to my awesome question lol.
Me: What would you do if a girl knitted you a scarf?
Him: I wouldn't appreciate it if I didn't like the girl. It's "just" ... a scarf.
Me: ==" Diu.

世界末日 - 周杰伦

想笑 来伪装掉下的眼泪
点点头 承认自己会怕黑
我只求 能借一点时间来陪
你却连同情都不给
想哭 来试探自己麻痹了没
全世界好像只有我疲惫
无所谓 反正难过就敷衍走一回
但愿绝望和无奈远走高飞

Chorus:
天灰灰 会不会 让我忘了你是谁
夜越黑 梦违背 难追难回味
我的世界将被摧毁 也许事与愿违
累不累 睡不睡 单影无人相依偎
夜越黑 梦违背 有谁来安慰
我的世界将被摧毁 或许颓废也是另一种美
想哭 来试探自己麻痹了没

全世界好像只有我疲惫
无所无所谓 反正难过就敷衍走一回
但愿绝望和无奈远走高飞

天灰灰 会不会 让我忘了你是谁
夜越黑 梦违背 难追难回味
我的世界将被摧毁
也许事与愿违
累不累 睡不睡 单影无人相依偎

My Campsie Night.

Why is Carmen blogging when she should be studying, okay, sleeping? >_<

Anyway, haha funny day today =D. I was stuck at home sick all day today and was actually quite bored and frustrated so then i called up Tongyun and Cheryl and met up with them in Campsie. Strangely enough, as soon as I saw them I got really high! Like..Carmen high and rofl thats scary okay? ^_^

On our trek to Civic Video, Cincotta Chemist and I-Mart, we bumped into our fellow Campsie bummers (Lisa seemed a lot happier today =] and I'm happy for her ^^) and stood there sucking on our ice-blocks for what I would say 20 minutes.

Got to Tongyun's house and after quite a bit of struggling "I COOKED" instant noodles for myself (haha I'm soo proud xD). And then webcammed with Ron for a bit. Haha Ron that loser didn't strip for us =( so we went to watch Paris Hilton instead! =D LOL.

My night ended alright I guess butbutbut ... I didn't study today =( ...which sucks ballz okay? SIGH.

P.S. I know this sounds bizarre but I keep getting my dreams mixed up with reality. Or in my case, doubting reality. lawl Carmen. =3

The Heart and The Butteflies.

Do you know what it feels like to have your heart be attacked by butterflies?

I don't like the feeling. =[

It doesn't hurt, but it makes me want to cry a bit (I didn't =D)

Hehe..I'm going to go eat ice cream now ^_^.

Have a nice day! =D ...to anyone who reads this, IF anyone reads this haha i don't really care =D.

DooDooDoooo~

NI HAO!

# I think I got a cold. Can't sing properly at the moment ==".

# Fell asleep as soon as I got off msn last night...didn't really have a good night sleep. Haha randoms like Kevin and Wayne pranked and texted me. Hehe it's all good ^_^.

#Goal: quit MSN =(.

Friday - didnt really meet up to my expectations lol but it wasn't that bad. At least I met someone new at Ann's party and got to catch up with the others at Will's party. =D

Saturday - haha what a random day! Sooo random - it was like all over the place. Well, I feel kinda bad for dogging Rui's birthday dinner butbutbut...they probably would've had fun ^_^! Haha i hope i didn't miss out too much! Went UNSW in the morning and starved myself to 3pm (>=[ i got a bit cranky) and then went Pepper Lunch with Wayne, Burke, Zack, Tongyun, Sandy, Cheryl and Kwan. And then Cheryl left and we all went K for two hours (OMG did I mention Burke not only looks like JJLin but he sounds exactly like him when he sings!? =O I was so overwhelmed hahaha burkey ^_^) and then bummed around city doing NOTHING ==" and then stoopid Wayne and Burke had to leave so party's over! Random thing was me and Tongyun caught the train to Stra and went to Ron's house. Hehe..ooh and Wayne came back later =D.

Sunday - was shitty. LOL i lacked sleep due to Saturday night so I was practically dying at work and then I spent the rest of my day watching Moonlight Resonance (up to episode six - I know I'm slow..butbutbut HSC mannnnnn ==") and so far I've cried like a bucket of tears! >< soo saad...soo dramatic...haha soo Carmen xD.

Well. yeah haha I just wanted to say that I think I'm sick and vulnerable and needs lots of attention and care...until I get better ^_^. Hehe.

Timezone...Broken Bracelet...

For the past few days I feel like I've been trapped in some kind of timezone where I don't know exactly what I'm doing. I hope I'm fine, other than the fact that I'm still talking to Mocha (my teddybear), I think every other bit of me is quite sane. As usual my week is packed and I have absolutely no time left for studying (which is bad...very bad indeed ]= ) SIGH...I dunno.

My schedule for the rest of the week:

Thursday - Sis' Graduation Day. Although we had a massive fight the other night involving yelling, swearing, tears (well..her tears mostly - I never cry in front of my family - quite sad, I know), I still got her a present to congratulate her for her "hard work" *coughcough* throughout her life in uni =D. Yeah yeah which means I dont have money to get a haircut until...bleh!

Friday - School; Ann's party; Will's party. LOL which I'm hoping would be a fun day! =D PARTEEEH! hehehe

Saturday - UNSW, maybe Hurtsville, I want to hang out with Burke =D maybe, and Rui's Birthday Dinner.

Sunday - Work, Father's Day and Mum's Birthday. Spendspendspend.

Ooh..looks like I'm going to get a lot of studying done this week! ^^

My bracelet broke off...completely. I woke up this morning and I couldnt find it. That sucks...because what does that mean now? Is it bad to be greedy? Tongyun bought a bracelet just for love, mine has everything in it - well..you know, I don't just want love - I want a bit of everything. Maybe I should get one just for...friendship =D.

P.S. I look at it everyday.
P.S.S. It doesn't feel the same hugging Mocha anymore. =[
P.S.S.S. I'm scared...of Monday =S and.. the many more to come. SIGH

"Speechless" - The Veronicas

Feels like I have always known you
And I swear I dreamt about you
All those endless nights I was alone
It's like I've spent forever searching
Now I know that it was worth it
With you it feels like I am finally home

Falling head over heels
Thought I knew how it feels
But with you it's like the first day of my life

Cuz you leave me speechless
When you talk to me
You leave me breathless
The way you look at me
You manage to disarm me
My soul is shining through
Can't help but surrender
My everything to you

I thought I could resist you
I thought that I was strong
Somehow you were different from what I've known
I didn't see you coming
You took me by surprise and
You stole my heart before I could say no

Falling head over heels
Thought I knew how it feels
But with you it's like the first day of my life

You leave me speechless
When you talk to me
You leave me breathless
The way you look at me
You manage to disarm me
My soul is shining through
I can't help but surrender
Oh no
My everything to you

You leave me speechless
(the way you smile, the way you touch my face)
You leave me breathless
(it's something that you do I can't explain)
I run a million miles just to hear you say my name
Baby

You leave me speechless
You leave me breathless
The way you look at me
You manage to disarm me
My soul is shining through
I can't help but surrender
My everything to you

Wishes

I wish I could make sure you always had the best - like laughter, rainbows, butterflies and health.

I wish I could take you anywhere you wanted to go and treat you to waterfalls, rivers, forests and mountaintops...

I wish I could make it possible for you to do anything you ever dreamed of, even if just for a day.

I wish I could keep you from ever being hurt or sad.

I wish that all your troubles and problems would disappear.

I wish I could package up all the memories that bring smiles to you and have them handy for your immediate enjoyment.






...I wish you could wish for me too.^_^

<3 Carmen.

Chances

I dogged school again and met up with Richardson from primary! haha haven't seen that guy for 5 to 6 years, he hasnt changed all that much but he is nicer than what I remember him being! =D (thats a compliment [;). Although they all spoke mando and I was a bit lost at first lol I surprisingly fitted in quiet well =D and had fun =] so yeah i guess today was worth it. Yay!

This is rather a private thing but since no one I know is reading it yet I guess it won't hurt to mention this. I fear chances yet I believe in them. At K today, when everybody else was singing (haha I dont hog the mic all the time okay?) I rolled a die. A very special die indeed^_^. I asked the die a question and if its even the answer is yes and if the outcome is odd then the answer is no. I was happy with the results to be honest and they were quite realistic. But yerr...arrghh!~~cbb blogging anymore. I shall sleep now! =O its almost 12am =[ and i'm off tomoro to study and search for a new dress to wear on Saturday to Big Uncle's 60th birthday =D.

Lat's dance! =D

I Don't Want to Die; Pepper Lunch; People are so f'd up!

Today actually turned out to be quite an interesting and random day. Okay, so firstly today we had our HSC drama group performance and seriously, at the time everyone was freaking out. It started at 12.15 pm but my whole class got there early in the morning with an intention to practise. However, at approximately 9.20am (I would assume) something very psycho yet funny yet random happened. My classmate Sam punched my other classmate Jake. At that moment I was actually feeling rather terrified for I was trapped in a corner by two six foot tall guys, and Jake (the larger one), at the time was being pushed by Sam - meaning if Jake fell on me, I would be pancake. Haha okay so he didn't fall on me..but still. Btw, that wasn't really the point. Well..I think Sam is having a lot of problems at home and failing his HSC really doesn't contribute to solving the problem - so yes, Sam does get angry very easily. After Ioanna broke them up (rofl! yes!~~ Ioanna was soo brave haha she's soo cute) sam stormed out of the room and I later found out from George and Helena that he tried to kill himself by standing on the road and in hope of a car running him over! WTF! =S Luckily Khalil saw him and pulled him onto the footpath and Sam apparently just sat on the footpath bawling his eyes out. It's sad, I really feel for that guy =[ but there is really nothing we can do about it I guess =S. Hmm...I reckon he really needs support and stuff - I just hope he doesnt kill us like that thing that happened in America! I dont want to die! I still gotta do the HSC o_0' rofl okay so maybe that wasn't the real reason =D.

Ooh btw, we did good in drama today! =D yay! relieved. went Pepper Lunch for dinner with Tongyun, Will and Mi-Hoa because everybody else dogged it ! (yes Isaac, Sorpor and Cheryl!) lol. I also invited Wayne but I realised very much later that I had forgotten to include the word "today" after "Let's go pepper lunch!" so he texted me 7 hours later asking me when I wanted to go. ROFL! yeah funny funny ^_^ oh well..i guess we can go again on saturday ~ intersting place this Pepper Lunch hehe.

Omg this is freaky man! I read this in the newspaper today =[.
*[Child skinned and eaten] - yes exactly wat that says. I cbb typing the whole thing up soo err i'll just briefly explain it. Mother and relatives torture 8year old and 10 year old son. 10 year old gets eaten. They go to court. Retarded. Wrong. Totally.
*A girl was burnt by a rival due to a 'suspected' kiss with her boyfriend. She was set up and the attacker just attacked her from a bush and lit her up in fire. The article describes her skin as "bubbling", her hair was gone, and half her face was peeling off! OMG i cant believe this. So f'd up =S.

So, today was a very interesting day actually. I still gotta fix up this blog o_0. I dont really know how to...but i'll figure it out maybe some other day when I'm not so distracted by... =]

First Blog!

Been meaning to create a blog for awhile now. This is different from all my other stuff - different from my diaries and my online diaries - those are more private whereas this I can just keep a record of my emotions and days in a more eased manner. =] Song lyrics, poems and quotes would surface as one explores, however, I'm not sure if this would be a constant thing for me. But nevertheless, this is the first step to a public display of me!~~~and this is my first blog!!

YAY!~~~*carmen dances around*